Mental health during lockdown

I woke up this morning with my calendar telling me that I don’t have any clients for the day. As for most of us, this is a strange experience as we are so used to planning our day filled with all the duties we have to fulfill career wise, running out to do the shopping for the family, helping kids with homework, assignments, preparing for tests and making lunches and dinners.

Suddenly, we have to stay indoors- isolated- keeping ourselves and kids occupied with work, chores and family time. We also have to deal with the daily threat of the Corona virus as the number of sick people are rising, and two reported deaths have already occurred. This contributes to so much anxiety for all of us. I would like to share a few suggestions with you, that might help you to get through this time.

Although I will not be going out or see clients at my office, I will be following a daily routine as it gives a sense of control and security. It also helps to reduce anxiety if you work with some purpose.

• So after getting out of bed ( try to do so within 45 minutes to an hour after waking up), make your bed and take a shower or bath to set the tone for the day. Already two tasks that you have successfully completed! An excellent start which will set the tone for the day.
• Tend to your hair and nails and keep on following your skincare regime. Put on some makeup such as lipstick or even just a lip balm.
• Help your children to also follow a hygienic routine, and encourage all to wash hands regularly: 20 seconds with lots of foam from your soap.
• For breakfast, avoid sugary cereals and rather eat a protein breakfast with good fats, to help you maintain steady blood sugar. 
• As our movements are restricted, eat smaller portions. You can even eat from a smaller plate/side plate to help you manage healthy food intake. (This comes from a nutritionist, Taryn Coghlan, in Fairland).
• Take in as much water as possible. It is advised that we drink a few sips of water every 15 minutes to avoid a dry mouth. I enjoy herbal teas without milk in between.
• Be mindful of the amount of caffeine you consume during this time.
• Take vitamins daily.
• Avoid snacking, and if you have to, make sure there are some cut up veggies and a yogurt dip in the fridge. Carrot sticks, baby cucumber, rosa tomatoes, baby corn are some of my favourites.
• This is a time where you can have a tea/coffee break as a family at given times- as you will have at work and school. Make sure this is a relaxed time of laughter and warmth.
• As blood sugars drop between 14:00 and 16:00 hours, consider having a small ‘snack’ ready for the family. These can include cheese, boiled egg, a small piece of meat (or small meatballs- keep it to three or four), a piece of fruit, nuts, etc. Make sure that these are not a meal size. Just stabilize the blood sugar to avoid tears, tantrums or people becoming 'hangry'.
• Spend quality time with your family- away from the TV. You don’t need hours together, but half an hour of undivided attention (not watching your cell phone for messages or taking calls), will mean a lot to everybody.
• Make time to play together as a family: ball games, if you have space in your yard, watch your kids ride their bikes, and if you have your own pool, swim and play with your children. Play card/board games, and think of games that you used to play as a child and teach your children.
• Manage your children’s screen time carefully. No more than half an hour at a time- then take a break. This can be a good time to train your children that there is more to life that screens.
• When working from home, set your alarm to remind you to get out of the chair and stretch your legs. A good time to drink water and wash hands.
• Plan daily activities for your children. Choose some fun school activities for them to participate in. Choose a topic, e.g. sea animals, and find interesting information and pictures to share with them. Allow them to make a drawing/ picture based on the information. This should be a creative activity of their choosing. Make sure colouring pencils and paints are available to encourage creativity. For a collage, print pictures of their choosing.
• Now that our movements are restricted, explain to the family that housework is exercise and make it fun. You can call a family meeting to do so. Allow everyone to voice their opinions. The aim is to draw up a list of tasks that needs to be done. Let them choose some chores that they are prepared to help with, as their contribution to the family. Emphasize that families work together to make life easier for all. Keep it short and sweet.
• Get moving. Put music on and do some dancing together. Consider finding a YouTube video that teaches some dance moves. Kids love Twerking and Hip Hop. Have great laughs together.
• Read to your children. Let them tell the story back, or turn it into a game and ask some questions based on the game. See who can answer the fastest. Keep it organised with an object that the person who wants to answer, must grab- one person to answer- no shouting out. This helps not only with listening skills, expressive language, and story memory but also with impulse control.

In a time where much of our own control has been taken away, it is important to create your own control. Your children also need some control and a real sense of security. A good routine with family activities will allow for that.

Remember that I am available for Skype and Whatsapp consultations. Please feel free to continue making use of my services, even though it is not at my office. I am a telephone call away.

Please stay in your own home and don't leave your property without good reason- as stipulated by the President. Take very good care of yourself and your family. Good mental health to all of you.

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Journalling for stress management

Hi Everybody

In a time where adults and children alike are under extreme pressure to perform and achieve, it is important to find positive ways of managing and relieving stress. In my practice I teach my clients (young and older) certain techniques to reduce stress.

It is important to reduce stress as it can become a nasty invader if not managed well. True, stress is part of daily life, and we will never be totally without it. When stress levels spike too high, it often leads to frustration, acting out behaviour, anxiety, depression and physical illness such as headaches, stomach problems, skin rashes, etc. 

I explain to my clients that as long as they keep things bottled up, it goes round-and-round in their heads and it sometimes feels as if it’s just a matter of time before a big explosion will occur. Problems can also occupy the mind to such an extent that there is not much ‘space’ left for important things such as learning, remembering or just plain everyday functioning. 

Basic things such as a healthy diet with lots of veggies and fruit, daily vitamins to supplement dietary deficiencies, regular exercise and enough sleep, remain important aspects of managing stress well. It can be very helpful to externalise a problem, in other words, bring it to the open. Put it on the table so to speak. This will allow you to see a problem or decision for what it really is. It’s almost like making it more concrete and strangely enough, most of the time it is almost as if things becomes more manageable and something that can be dealt with. 

One way of ‘externalising’ issues is journalling. People often think that they need to be a fabulous writer, using lovely figures of speech, great and impressive words, with perfect spelling and beautiful handwriting. Well, that it is totally not true. Journalling is really for everybody and there is no right or wrong way of doing. It is individual and personal. The idea is to put feelings, events, behaviour, worries and ideas on paper instead of carrying it around with you. The only prerequisites are honesty and that the ideas and words are truly yours. 

Journalling helps to put things in perspective; such as changes you are going through or when making a decision- helping to see which solution will be the most appropriate. It will be an eye opener to go back and read your journal to identify patterns of behaviour. Sometimes it is just a place where you can ’dump’ the events of the day so that it does not bottle up and manifest in inappropriate acting out behaviour, aggression, frustration or even depression. In a way, a journal can become a means of support and a reminder of what the person has learnt about herself. 

It is amazing to see how much you can learn about yourself by journalling. My one client was very surprised to notice over a period of time, that she made the same mistake over and over. She was unaware of that and when she went back to read some of the older entries, it was a revelation for her. She was then ready for the much needed changes she was resisting previously. 

 
For children and adolescents, it brings a sense of control; that they are able to say what they want to say without being judged. It is important that parents respect the boundaries and allow the child confidentiality without snooping around and secretly reading their child’s diary. Everybody have a right to privacy- even children and adolescents!

I encourage my clients to also write about gratitude and at least one positive idea or compliment to themselves every day. This helps to keep us grounded and balanced. I have recently shopped around for a journal for a young client. I was amazed at the variety of books available for journalling. It does not need to be very fancy. For this specific client I bought an inexpensive hard covered book with funky colours. I spruced it up with ribbon and voila, a lovely book that she can use for journalling. There are also amazing creative projects on the internet where you can learn to make your own journal- even with lock and key! This can become a project for mom and/or dad to help the kids to all personalise a journal and start writing (without interfering with each other remember!). How about starting to manage your stress through journalling right away?!

For those of you who still want to know more or need some prompts to start, here are some links- there a many more!

1. 119 Journal Prompts for Your Journal Jar: http://daringtolivefully.com/journal-prompts
2. 30 Journaling Prompts for Self-Reflection and Self-Discovery: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/09/27/30-journaling-prompts-for-self-reflection-and-self-discovery/
3. These Journal Writing Prompts Will Encourage Kids to Develop Their Composition Skills: http://www.dailyteachingtools.com/journal-writing-prompts.html 
4. Recommended Books related to Journal Writing: http://www.lifejournal.com/journal-writing-books/

Don’t hesitate to contact me. I look forward to hearing from you!


Warm regards

Christelle

Comments - Kommentaar

I would love some comments and questions from you. Feel free to ask questions. Can't wait to hear from you!

Voel asseblief vry om 'n opmerking te maak of vrae te vra. Dit sal lekker wees om van jou te hoor!

Sarie Artikel - As skool 'n kwessie raak

In die Februarie 2015 uitgawe van Sarie, het die artikel, "As skool 'n kwessie raak" deur Delia Du Toit verskyn. Delia het my onder andere genader vir inligting vir haar artikel en die volgende in haar artikel gebruik:

Vraag: My kind is angstig en wil nie skool toe gaan nie. Wat kan ek doen om haar te motiveer om skool te geniet?

"Geen kind is elke dag lus vir skool nie, maar as dit gereeld gebeur, is daar rede tot kommer, se Christelle du Plessis, 'n opvoedkundige sielkundige van Johannesburg. As angstigheid die oorsaak is, kom dit dikwels by 5 - 6 jariges en 10 - 11 jariges voor, of in 'n oorgangsfase soos die skuif van laer- na hoerskool. Kyk uit vir skeidingsangs (jou kind klou aan jou), sosiale onttrekking, vloermoere en psigosomatiese simptome soos maagpyn, hoofpyn, en naarheid wat verdwyn as die kind tuis mag bly.

Gesels met jou dogter om uit te vind wat pla. Daar kan verskeie oorsake van laegraad angs wees soos leerprobleme, boelies, ongeorganiseerdheid, veranderinge tuis en sosiale probleme, volgens Christelle. 'n Kind kan sukkel om te verduidelik hoe angs voel. Vra dus konkrete en leidende vrae soos "Is jy bang om skool toe te gaan?", of "Is daar maatjies by die skool wat naar is met ander kinders by die skool?"

As die probleme nie aandag kry nie, kan dit lei tot 'n angsversteuring. Sommige kinders is ook geneties meer angstig. Daar sal simptome soos sweterige handjies, bednatmaak, onttrekking, paniekerigheid, huilerigheid, benoudheid in die bors, lighoofdigheid, 'n knop in die keel, slaapprobleme, irritasie en depressie of woede voorkom. 'n Sielkundige se hulp is dan beslis nodig".

 Vraag: My kind het altyd goed (genoeg) gedoen, maar sy punte gaan skielik agteruit. Moet ek bekommerd wees?

"Dit is altyd 'n bron van kommer wanneer 'n kind se punte skielik agteruitgaan, maar die redes kan skolasties of meer onheilspellend wees.

As jou seun agter is met werk, moet nooit die werk vir hom doen nie. Skep slegs die ruimte tyd en leiding sodat jou kind dit self kan doen en help hom met studiemetodes as hy lui is om te leer, se Christelle.

Dit kan ook gebeur dat hy gedemotiveerd raak as jy onrealistiese eise aan hom stel, se Christelle. Vra vir hom of hy sy bes gedoen het, en as hy het, moet jy oordra dat dit goed genoeg is- selfs al kry hy 40%. Vind die aktiwiteite waarin hy uitblink sodat hy sukses kan beleef en 'n gesonde selfbeeld kan bou.

'n Toekomsvisie help ook veral ouer kinders om gemotiveerd te bly, en 'n beroepsassessering kan dus van waarde wees. Tieners raak ook meer sosiaal en moet geleer word hoe om hul tydsbesteding te balanseer, se Christelle.

Daar kan ook emosionele oorsake by die skool wees, se Christelle. Kyk uit vir stukkende klere of besittings, blou kolle, tranerigheid, nagmerries, selfbeeld probleme of eetlus veranderinge. Dit alles kan op boelies en ander sosiale en emosionele probleme dui.

Jou kind sal dalk niks wil se nie, vra dus dinge soos: 'Met wie speel jy by die skool en wat speel julle?', of 'Is daar kinders by die skool wat geboelie word?' Laat hom verstaan dat jy daar is om te luister en te help indien nodig".

Dealing with Bullies

I was fortunate enough to have made a contribution in an article in True Love magazine (January 2015). In the article, "Get them ready to succeed", Ziphezinhle Msimango incorporated some of my comments in her article:

Dealing with Bullies

"The most important way to bully-proof your child is to build up her self-esteem. Educational Psychologist Christelle du Plessis from the Baby and Child Wellness Centre says, "This will not only assist your child in dealing with bullies, but will prevent her from becoming one. If your child has a healthy self-esteem, she will carry herself with confidence, which will deter bullies as they pick on younger and weaker kids. It is very helpful to play games with your child where you can act out a scenario in which you are being bullied. By playing it out and discussing it, your child will become empowered to deal with situations that will otherwise be unfamiliar to her," she adds. 

Other ways to to build self-esteem include encouraging your little one to take part in group sports like soccer or tennis and leisure activities like joining a local club. This will benefit her physically, emotionally and mentally. 

If playing soccer is not for your child, consider something like Monkeynastix or take your little introvert for speech and drama lessons. For the music lover, take her for some dancing lessons- modern dancing or hip-hop lessons will help develop her self-esteem. 

Sometimes children, especially older ones, may not be willingly share that they are being bullied at school. It is important that you are able to spot signs early. If your child comes home with inexplicable bruises and scratches, talks about hating school or even worse, refuses to go to school, there may be a bullying situation that you need to investigate. Talk to your child to see if she can give you information or speak to her teacher about your concerns". 

Help! My kind onderpresteer!

Ek het die afgelope tyd verskeie baie bekommerde ouers in my kantoor gehad omdat hulle kinders se prestasie nie na verwagting is nie. Hulle weet hul kind is intelligent, maar dit kind se toets en eksamen punte reflekteer dit nie. Dis veral vir ouers ontstellend wanneer die skool hulle inroep  en die klasonderwyser(s) volhou dat iets gedoen  moet word. Ouers se angsvlakke styg deur die dak. Wat nou gemaak? Hoe hanteer jy dit? Is dit dan nie vir die skool om te weet wat om te doen nie?

Dis hier waar jy moet kalm bly, want die eerste ding wat meeste ouers dink is dat die kind lui is. Gevolglik word die kind op die spreekwoordelike “rooi tapyt” geplaas, en moet die kind verduidelik waarom sy/haar punte so swak is. Die probleem word gesoek by die televisie, playstasion en rekenaarspeletjies, selfoongesprekke, ongewenste maats- om maar ‘n paar te noem. Jou kind voel in ‘n hoek gedryf en baklei verbete terug, of kruip net nog meer in haar dop. Dis nag in jou huis….. Dikwels is ouers kwaad vir die skool. Doen die onderwysers dan nie hul werk nie? Klink dit bekend?

Deur met jou kind te baklei of om die onderwysers aan te val, gaan sake net vererger. Dis belangrik om die oorsaak van die probleem te vind. In 98% van die gevalle, weet jou kind self ook nie wat die probleem is nie, of waar dinge verkeerd geloop het nie. Die oomblik wat jou kind se onderwyser ‘n bekommernis uitspreek, of dat jy bekommerd is oor jou kind se vordering, is dit belangrik om hulp te soek. Jy sien, hoe gouer ‘n probleem onderskep word en die oorsaak gevind kan word, hoe gouer kan die probleem aangespreek word. Wanneer kinders ‘n probleem ervaar met hulle skoolwerk, is daar altyd ‘n rede.

Ek het onlangs ‘n ouer in my kantoor gehad met ‘n kind wat swak presteer het en die jaar moet herhaal. Die ouer het gewonder of die kind nie net lui is nie. Sy het ook vertel dat haar kind die afgelope aantal jare verskeie onderwysers gehad het wat gekom en gaan het. Dis min dat kinders, veral laerskool kinders net lui is. Dis gewoonlik meer van ‘n gebrek aan motivering omdat hulle sukkel met die skoolwerk. Kind wonder dikwels waarom sal hy probeer as hy dink hy gaan in elk geval misluk?

Meeste van die tyd is daar ‘n goeie en geldige rede vir akademiese prestasie wat agteruit gaan, veral as dit ‘n skielike agteruitgang is. Hier is ‘n lys van moontlike oorsake:

• Die volume van die werk het so toegeneem dat die kind nie kan byhou nie
• Die kind het ‘n stadige werkspoed in die klas en raak verlore
• Die kind se konsentrasie fluktueer
• Jou kind is angstig in die klas en bang om vir hulp te vra
• Daar is ‘n leerprobleem waarvan julle nie weet nie
• Jou kind word geboelie by die skool en hy weet nie hoe om dit te hanteer nie
• Groepsdruk: hoe balanseer jou kind sy lewe
• Jou kind weet nie hoe om te studeer nie
• Jou kind ervaar eksamenangs
• Jou kind het nie ‘n toekomsvisie nie en is angstig oor die toekoms
• Daar is verhoudingsprobleme binne of buite die gesin
• Jou kind voel depressief
• Daar was ‘n verlies in die familie- ‘n familielid, vriend geliefde troeteldier het gesterf
• Die kind is deurmekaar met ongure vriende of dwelms
• Jou kind weet nie hoe om sy nuwe lyf met al die hormoon veranderinge te hanteer nie
• Jou kind sukkel om vriende te maak
• Daar is angs rondom ‘n operasie of siekte
• Ouers het onrealistiese verwagtinge van hul kind.
• Julle sit aanmekaar vas
• Daar is ‘n probleme tussen die ouers
• Die gesin is deur ‘n egskeiding

Die lys kan aangaan!  Ons is komplekse wesens en ons hele menswees is inmekaar verweef. Wanneer daar ‘n probleem in een area van ons lewe is- byvoorbeeld wanneer jou kind depressief of gedemotiveerd voel, gaan die beide sy skoolwerk en sy verhoudings beinvloed. Of as jou kind geboelie word by die skool, word sy veiligheid bedreig en is hy angstig sodat hy nie in die klas of tuis kan konsentreer nie.

Wanneer jy bekommerd is oor jou kind, kan dit baie help om met ‘n professionele persoon te gesels. As opvoedkundige sielkundige spesialiseer ek en my kollegas in kinders van alle ouderdomme (voorskool, laerskool en hoërskool; hoe hulle leer, hul emosionele welsyn, ontwikkeling en ouerskap. Onthou, dis gewone mense met gewone probleme wat ‘n opvoedkundige sielkundige gaan spreek. Moet dus nie bang wees om ‘n afspraak te maak nie. Ouers voel dat hulle ondersteun word en kry weer nuwe moed omdat hulle versterk voel wanneer hulle met ‘n sielkundige konsulteer.

Wanneer jy ‘n opvoedkundige sielkundige (kindersielkundige) gaan spreek, kan jy die volgende verwag:

• Sy gaan eers met julle, die ouers wil gesels gedurende die eerste afspraak. Gedurende hierdie afspraak kan jy al jou bekommernisse met haar deel. Wees eerlike en sê dit soos dit is. Die sielkundige kan net ten volle help as sy al die inligting het. Sy gaan baie vrae vra oor jou kind se ontwikkeling, skool vordering, ens.
• Sy gaan waarskynlik ‘n assessering wil doen. Dis ekwivalent aan ‘n dokter se ondersoek. Sy het inligting nodig om te sien waar die probleme lê. Hierdie assessering vind tydens ‘n opvog afspraak of afsprake plaas. Tydens die assessering ondersoek sy die volgende:

1. Jou kind se sterk- en swak-punte; intellektuele vermoë
2. Basiese skolastiese vaardighede (lees, spelling, skryf, wiskunde)
3. Emosionele welstand

• Hierdie assessering duur gewoonlik 4-ure. Indien dit ‘n jonger kind is, of ‘n kind wat nie lank aanmekaar kan konsentreer nie, mag die assesering oor meer as een afspraak strek. Wanneer sy hierdie inligting ingewin het, kan sy advies gee en jou help om jou kind en sy probleme beter te verstaan. 
• ‘n Opvolg afspraak word gemaak om die bevindinge met jou te bespreek. Dit kan jou help om ingeligte besluite oor jou kind se huidige situasie en toekoms te maak. Sy sal ook aanbevelings maak en verwysings gee na ander professionele mense (neuroloog, arbeidsterapeut, oogkundige, spraakterapeut, psigiater, ens) soos nodig. 
• Jy kan ook vra vir ‘n skriftelike verslag wat al die bevindinge en aanbevelings bevat. Hierdie assessering is vir twee jaar geldig. 

Jy, jou kind en die sielkundige werk as ‘n span saam om antwoorde te vind en planne te maak sodat jou kind weer akademies en andersins opdreef kan kom. Die doel is om jou kind weer gelukkig en in beheer van haar sake te sien. Dis belangrik dat jou kind deel van die proses is, want dis hy wat die werk moet doen. Dis dus belangrik dat hy verstaan dat hierdie ‘n positiewe proses is om hom te help. Dis is ook ‘n proses waartydens jy ‘n beter begrip en insig kan kry ten opsigte van jou kind se intellektuele, skolasties en emosionele funksionering en behoeftes.

Dis byna seker dat ouers iewers tydens hul kinders se skool loopbaan ‘n bekommernis gaan ervaar ten opsigte van hul kind se akademiese, sosiale en/of emosionele wesyn. Jy is nie alleen nie, daar is hulp en ondersteuning beskikbaar!

What's the hype about school readiness?

When our children are born, we have certain dreams and expectations for them. At birth, we quickly count their toes and fingers to ensure that they have ten of each… we also welcome those first cries as it tells us that our child is “normal”.

We do not skip those all important doctor’s - and clinic visits to make sure their growth and development continues as expected. We quietly compare our child to our friends’ children and other kids of the same age at playschool.

So when it is time for one of the biggest milestones in our child’s life- to enter grade 1, why do so few patents make sure that their child is really ready for school? Most parents only rely on the preschool or nursery school to confirm that their child is ready for big school.  Also, when nursery schools tell parents that they have concerns about the child’s readiness for the challenges of primary school, why do some parents veto this recommendation and still send their child to school?

It is important that your child’s developmental milestones in all areas are met for him to enter primary school. This means that his physical, perceptual, cognitive/intellectual, social, emotional and language developmental milestones are of such a nature that your child will be able to cope with the challenges presented to him in grade 1.

Children develop at their own pace due to genetic attributes and environmental influences. It means that each child will attain their milestones at different times and at different rates. If your child is not school ready, even though age wise he should be ready, and you send him to school, you might be setting him up for failure.

My son was born in November, and the year before he was due to go to grade one, I realised that he was emotionally still very immature. He was still very much geared to play and found it very frustrating to sit still and focus on desk work in preschool. He was hyperactive, but this was not my only problem. He was also teary and cried if things did not go his way. Intellectually he was able to do what was expected of him, but emotionally I thought it would be a challenge for him to cope with grade 1.

I took him for a school readiness assessment and the Educational Psychologist confirmed my concerns. We then decided to keep him back a year. I had to apply to the Department of Education to allow me to keep him in preschool for another year. We submitted her report and the Department accepted the recommendation. In my son’s case, it was a good decision. I feel we gave him all the benefits that he needed to have a happy and success school career.

So when is your child ready to enter grade 1 successfully? Many people think it is an age thing. If the child is six he/she is ready to enter school. This is not true, as you could see from my son’s story. Others think that when the child has acquired a certain range of skills, the child is ready to enter school. It is not good enough to only look at certain aspect in your child’s development, You need to look at the child holistically. It is therefore vital to consider the child’s development in all aspects, including emotional wellbeing, to ensure that your child is set for success when entering school.

Your child’s school career will be a long one, and therefore it is often best not to hurry things. Help your child to be set for success by giving him all the advantages possible. Information is is still powerful in helping you to make good, informed decisions.

Breast Cancer Awareness 2014

October is breast cancer awareness month. Although more women are aware of breast cancer than ever before, not everyone take steps in making sure that they remain healthy.

Here is the the story of how one cancer survivor was diagnosed. Her hope is that it will encourage you to go for an annual breast sonar, and when the time comes, for a regular mammogram.
She writes...

Story of a breast Cancer Survivor

Chapter 1: The diagnosis

I celebrated my 50th birthday in October 2012. It was not a particularly happy event for me, this 50 business, and for a few weeks I walked around with a bit of depression- feeling sorry for myself turning 50!
With a depressive mood over me about the fact that I entered the “next phase in my life” -being a middle aged woman according to society- I decided to pick myself and to rather reinvent myself. 

I was under an enormous amount of stress for some years in that the place I worked for, changed hands three times in four years, and I was managing a division which was always understaffed. I was overweight and always on the run- busy problem solving. I neglected my health for some time and I decided to see my gynae before the end of the year. I also made an appointment for a mammogram on the same day as the gynaecologist appointment.

It was early Friday afternoon on the 2nd of November 2012 when I left work early for the mammogram. I hated going for it, but my mom had breast cancer in her early 30’s for which she received a full mastectomy, without reconstruction. She had the mastectomy in the 70’s and the surgeon really butchered my mother. So, I was always aware that I needed to have a mammogram every few years.

I put on the hospital gown which was always too skimpy for my fuller figure. I waited in the cubicle for them to call me. I had huge breasts {DD’s} which meant that they had to squeeze the poor things in with great effort. I had a mammogram at 45 years old, and the nurse said that I only needed another when I’m 50.

A pretty young woman came to fetch me for the mammogram. She explained that she would take the mammogram and show it to the doctor, and if he had concerns, he would come in to do a further examination. The procedure did not disappoint and my poor breasts were sore after the pressing down with a vengeance.

I waited in too tight hospital gown- remember I said I am a full figured woman- when the doctor came into the room. I did not expect that! I could feel the heat moving from my neck to my face. My mouth was suddenly dry. The young doctor had the mammogram plates in his hand. I pulled on the gown to cover my legs. I felt a weakness coming over me. I remained seated looking up at him. He explained that he was not happy with what he saw on my right breast mammogram and that he would like to do a sonar.

I lied down on the bed and he pulled the gown to expose my breast. I felt embarrassed as gravity was not kind to me. He examined the breast and with every breath I felt how the knot in my stomach tightened. I could feel how my heart was pounding and I was aware of my shallow breathes. The doctor showed me two darker spots on the sonar screen. He said that he was concerned and would like to immediately do a biopsy. Perturbed I said “certainly not now!”, but he wanted to do it there and then. I felt faint and thoughts were rushing through my mind. I was so overwhelmed; I just needed to get out of there! So I said that I needed to see the gynae in half an hour {which was true}, and that I would come back for the biopsy on the Monday.

I quickly changed my clothes and went outside to try and breathe. You know how it feels when something major had happened to you, but you try to pretend that you don’t have a care in the world? I paged through a magazine in the reception, but I did not see anything. I had only one thought in my head: what if it is cancer? The gynae was happy with his examination, until I spilled the beans. Where he was making little jokes, he all of a sudden became very serious. He looked at the mammogram results and calmly encouraged me to urgently go for the biopsy. I promised to do so on the Monday. I don’t know how I got to my car. I just sat there for a long time. I felt all choked up. I tried to take deep breaths. I could not think. Eventually some calmness came over me.

When I got home I went straight to my room, closed the door and lie down, trying to make sense of what had transpired. How will I tell my family? Must I tell my family? I decided not to say anything. I did not want to upset them without confirmation that it was cancer. The knot in my stomach made nest in there. I went through the Friday night ritual with my family. I sat in front of the television with my husband but nothing registered with me. I withdrew to our bedroom earlier than usual, and pretended to sleep. I could not look my husband in the eye.

The lump in my throat did not subside. Throughout the night thoughts were racing through my head. The next day I looked at my husband children and I feared for what I might have to tell them. It was Sunday morning in church that I could not stop the tears. It did not ]want to stop rolling over my face. When we got home, my husband sat me down and wanted to know what was going on. The words flowed over my lips and I could see how the colour left my his face. We sat quietly until he got up to make some tea. I could hear him talking to our daughter in the kitchen. My beautiful adult daughter who had just returned home after a few months abroad. She came into the room and we hugged each other.

Monday morning. I phoned work and told them that I had to go for a test at the hospital. My daughter insisted on going with me. The young doctor was not there and when one of the other doctors looked at the mammogram, he insisted that I first see a breast specialist. They made an appointment for later that day. I sent my daughter off to work, and waited for the time to pass to see the specialist. I sat in my car to go to the specialist, when I decided to phone a colleague. She beat breast cancer a few years earlier and saw an excellent lady doctor at the Milpark hospital. I phoned her and asked for Dr Benn's number. I phoned Dr Benn’s office and after I explained my situation, the receptionist said I could see the doctor that evening at 19:00. I was overcome with gratitude. I phoned my husband and he immediately agreed to accompany me.

The waiting room had other people also waiting when we arrived. I looked at the faces around me, trying to read it. I saw a tall slender blond woman in scrubs consulting from one room to another,. Then it was our turn. My husband and I sat close to each other, holding hands. I Told her what happened and she took me through to her examination room. She looked at the mammogram, and came to examine my breasts. I once again felt terribly self conscious about my big breasts with its “road map”. Her hands had done this hundreds of times before. She pressed and the sentinel alerted loud and clear. It hurt when she pressed it. She knew where to press. She looked at me and said the dreaded word. Cancer. Two big lumps.

After that things went fast. I had a biopsy done the next day. A gentle soul did the biopsy. He was kind and respectful and talked me through the procedure. I was grateful when it was done. He carefully probed to find out what I was told. For the first time I said it: “I know it is cancer”...CANCER! I have cancer! He said that some of my lymph nodes were affected. In my lymph, but that is a death sentence isn’t it? Once into the lymph… is that not when people die? He could see the panic in my eyes and said that there was a lot that could be done.

Back to Dr Benn. She looked at the biopsy results. I could not wait for her to tell me when she would operate. All I knew was that I desperately needed the cancer to be out of my body. Then the devastating words. She did not want to operate right away. She wanted me to start with chemo, to shrink the lumps. CHEMO?! Oh no God, please not chemo!

My husband was next to me when we saw the oncologist later that week. He wanted to start as soon as possible. He explained the treatment plan, but it was almost as though I could not comprehend anything. “And yes, my hair will fall out”, he said. My hair which was my pride and joy… .

I made an appointment for three weeks later. Up to then I read as much as possible. Frightening stuff! I knew that my eyebrows and eyelashes would also fall out. I needed the three weeks to see the dentist, as I read that during chemo dental work is dangerous. I also decided to go for permanent make-up for my eyebrows. I needed to to make sure that I would continue to somehow recognise the woman in the mirror- I did not want to stare at an alien with a bald head and no eyebrows! Strange how important such a small thing suddenly became.
And that was how I was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer. It was sometimes an almost out of body experience, but most of the time a terrifying reality. I started with chemotherapy three weeks later- but that is a chapter for another time.
It is two years later, and I went through 16 chemos, a full mastectomy, 30 sessions of radiation and Herceptin treatment for a year. I am on a hormone blocker now, and I need to be on it for at least 5 years as my breast cancer is hormone-receptive.

It is two years later and I am alive! My life and the life of my family was turned upside down, but I am still here. My values have changed. I have learnt to appreciate my family and friends more than ever. I have learnt how strong my husband was and that my family will stick together through thick and thin. I have learnt to be in awe of how strong and weak my body could be. I have learnt that when you have to go through things where your family could not be with you, God is there. I have learnt that it is possible to live with cancer.

Dear Lady- yes you reading my story- I urge you to take care of yourself. Cancer does not discriminate on the basis of age or race. I have met many young ladies {early and mid-twenties} with their bald heads and scarred bodies. Cancer is also not for “sissies”. It is a frightening reality. Most of us know someone or of someone who has/had cancer.
Go for a sonar once a year, and if you are older and it is time to go for a mammograms, embrace it! Us girls are strong, we can withstand a mammogram if it can save our life! Early detection is key. I was not so lucky as my cancer was already in stage 3B.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Make an appointment now, and make sure that you remain healthy. You are worth it!

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at a time of challenge and controversy.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

For emotional therapy to help you or a friend or family member through a difficult time, please contact me for an appointment (Medical Aid rates are charged):
Christelle du Plessis
christelle@resilientfamily.co.za
http://www.resilientfamily.co.za

To find mammogram centres that offer discount on mammograms during October 2014, visit http://www.cansa.org.za for information